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by Grace Kay (Drummerchick7)



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Angst, F/F, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-05
Updated: 2017-09-05
Packaged: 2018-12-24 10:08:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12010512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Drummerchick7/pseuds/Grace%20Kay
Summary: Ashley was the love of Shepard's life... and then Shepard died. Now, Ashley asks to talk. What the fuck could she have to say to that would change anything?





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**Author's Note:**

> Holy smokes, how did I never publish this here? I wrote this years ago but apparently only published it elsewhere. Here you go, hope you enjoy!

"Commander, we need to talk."

Shepard frowned slightly, crossing her arms over her chest and jutting out a hip. "About what?" She was ready to forgive Ashley. In the end, the lieutenant-commander had listened to and trusted her, but Shepard still remembered the feeling of the woman she loved, and who had once declared love for  _her_ , pointing a gun at her face.

She didn't fucking appreciate it.

"Things got… tense back there."  _Understatement of the fucking year_ , Shepard interjected to herself. "I'm still going through it in my head. The Councilors, Udina…" Ashley's hair, normally up in a bun, now spilled over her shoulders, sending wafts of her scent toward the commander of the Normandy as the LC began to pace. "I still can't believe he was behind it. Do you think he was indoctrinated? Because I didn't think he had two brain cells to rub together…"

Shepard couldn't help it. She snorted out a laugh, shaking her head as she partially dropped her defensive stance. "He may not have had two brain cells to rub together, but it made him incredibly gullible. Cerberus probably made him some deal he couldn't refuse. But we'll never know. 'Cuz you shot him."

Ashley shook her head. "Bastard deserved far worse," she growled.

"I agree. But it was the right call, Ash. Glad you finally believed me." Shepard couldn't keep the bitterness from her voice entirely. It just… it hurt. A lot. She'd thrown herself at mindless flings after Horizon, fucking her way through the male members of the crew while going after the Collectors, but never the women. They all somehow wore Ashley's face.

It hadn't helped.

Then she'd started going after asari on Omega, but the first one who got too deep during a Joining saw her pain and tried to soothe it, and Shepard had walked out. She was not interested. The only person who could soothe her pain was Ashley, either by loving her, or by hating her enough that Shepard hated her back.

But Shepard didn't hate her. She loved her so much she ached for her.

So the commander had been celibate since turning herself and the Normandy into the Alliance. Instead of sex, she worked out, and read, and took up jiu jitsu, and, if she had to be honest with herself, she drank far too much. At least she had some distance, though.

Until Ashley showed up again the day the Reapers attacked Earth. Her heart had stopped and her knees had gone weak, and it was only due to military training that was ground into her by a drill sergeant when she was eighteen that she kept from turning tail and running out of that room. Ashley, at that moment, had been more frightening than even speaking to Sovereign had been.

Watching Ashley picked up by that  _fucking_  robot had been torture. The whole thing had happened in slow motion, Shepard's hands and feet feeling like lead as she lifted her pistol, running toward that hunk of metal EDI now possessed. She had screamed, a primal thing coming from a place deep within her. She had babbled to Ashley, telling her to hold on, that they'd have help soon, as she carried her as gently as possible onto the ship. She'd waited impatiently while the scanner told her whether it was safe to remove the LC's helmet, and then once she did, all she could do was stare in horror.

Bruises covered her. Her face had been a patchwork quilt of blue, purple, and black, only hints of the woman's normally caramel-colored skin showing. Shepard had stared in abject horror until Liara had finally broken through, forcing her to grow a pair of ovaries and  _command the ship_ , as was her job to do. Shepard had wanted to tell Liara, the unfeeling Shadow Broker zealot, to kindly suck her left nut. Instead, however, Shepard had sacked up and ordered them to the Citadel, going to the QEC and talking with Hackett about the device that might just save them all.

She'd then spent the entirety of the rest of the ride to the Citadel in the medbay, staring at Ashley's shallowly-moving chest.

She had poured out all of her feelings, her disappointments and hopes alike, while Ashley had been unconscious in the hospital. Once she was awake, however, it was clipped talk, awkward silences, the space between them so thick one could cut a chunk out of it with a knife.

"I… I'm sorry, Commander," Ashley finally whispered, calling Shepard to the present as she gave her a look like a kicked puppy.

Instead of making the CO of the Normandy feel bad, it made her  _pissed_. "Shove your sorry, Lieutenant. I don't need it." She could feel the heat rising in her face, but she didn't care anymore. "You used to call me by my name, Ashley. You used to… hold me. Now you spit in my face. I'm done. Go… just go, Williams," she finished, pointing out the airlock away from the Normandy.

Ashley, however, just shook her head, losing the kicked puppy look but not matching Shepard's anger. She merely looked… resigned. "No, Shepard. I'm not leaving. Not like this."

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" Shepard replied hotly.

Ashley shook her head again, taking two steps toward the commander, taking the other woman's arm and gently lowering it from where she'd angrily been pointing. "I wanna talk. Really  _talk_. No defensive anger, no words of betrayal. I want to  _talk_. About you. About me. About us. About what happened after you  _died_. I want to explain myself, and I want to apologize, and I want to hear from your lips how I hurt you, why my words cut so deep."

Shepard frowned, taking in the woman's scent, barely able to breathe with her so close. Her anger simmered just below the surface, though, a favored defense against this woman taking her heart and smashing it upon the floor  _yet again_.

"Why the change of heart, Williams?"

Ashley just shrugged. "Let's just say a little bluebird came to me while I was in the hospital, and most recently in the embassy office while I was going through Udina's shit. She… made me see things with new eyes. I've hurt you, Shepard. And I think I might have hurt  _myself_  in the process."

Stepping even closer, looking up with those gorgeous brown eyes, she whispered, "Please, Jane. I just wanna talk."

Breathing in hard through her nose, Shepard couldn't stand it anymore. Reaching up, she cradled Ashley's face in her hands, kissing her hard enough to bruise. She tasted just like the commander remembered, and it was nearly enough to overwhelm her. Ashley responded in kind, her hands going directly to Shepard's hips and gripping tightly – just as they always had. And, again as she always had, she allowed Shepard to direct her movement, the commander walking the LC backward until she was pressed firmly against the bulkhead behind her. Shepard pressed herself into Ashley, molding their bodies together as she claimed the other woman's mouth with her own.

Finally, a lack of oxygen forced her back. Breathing hard, she looked down into Ashley's eyes. "Talk?  _Really_  talk?"

Ashley nodded, her face still gripped tightly between Shepard's hands, their bodies still pressed together. "Yes, Jane. Talk.  _Really_  talk."

Shepard slumped, loosening her grip as her forehead touched the other woman's for a moment. Her anger had deflated. She nodded, taking a step back just as Ashley's hands began to wind around her waist, seeking to give a comfort Shepard had longed for since the day she awoke on that Cerberus bio-bed.

"Meet me in my cabin. Give me a few minutes."

* * *

Shepard spent the few minutes pouring two shots of whiskey and downing them. Then she put ice in two tumblers, poured a healthy measure of scotch in each, and placed them on the coffee table. Taking a seat, she ran her hands through her tousled red hair, placing it behind her ears almost self-consciously.

She wasn't really sure what she felt. The residue of her anger was there. Though she was a little worried at how quickly she was so willing to give it up. She had finally kissed Ashley, and Ashley had kissed her back, and all of it was completely overwhelming. Ashley tasted the same, felt the same, responded the same. For the sweetest of seconds it all had disappeared, and they were back on the Normandy SR-1 during one of their many nights together.

They had first slept together on their way to Virmire. It was against regulations, but Shepard was a Spectre now – what did  _she_  care? They'd been flirting more and more openly the longer they'd been out in space, and that night things had come to a head… during a game of cards, of all things. They'd been drinking heavily throughout the night. Joker, Kaidan, Wrex, Tali, and Garrus had been in on it. Even Liara had joined them for a bit. But at that point in the night everyone else had left, leaving just herself and Ashley to finish the game. Shepard had been goading Ashley, telling her to grow some balls and make her move.

And she had. Not the move Shepard had expected, but she'd made it nonetheless. She'd dropped her cards on the coffee table they'd all been crammed around in the old captain's quarters, getting to her feet and nearly lunging at the commander. Shepard had found her hair fisted by the woman, their lips smashed together  _almost_  painfully, and she had hesitated only a moment before gripping Ashley's hips, pulling the chief into her lap.

What had followed had been some of the most fun sex she'd ever had in her life up to that point. Every time Shepard tried to take control, Ashley had met her there, grasping wrists and leaving marks on her skin and claiming her mouth in equal measure as Shepard. When Shepard had finally won, laying Ashley out on the sofa and fucking her for all she was worth, even then Ashley had not submitted, raising herself on both hands and fucking  _herself_  on Shepard's hand, matching her rhythm perfectly to drive her commander  _deep_  within her.

Shepard had been so turned on she hadn't even given Ashley a  _moment_  after her orgasm before stripping completely and sliding on top of the woman's face. Ashley had met her there, reaching for her greedily, somehow using her whole body to perform what was usually – really, for  _anyone_  else Shepard had been with – a submissive act.

It had been fun, and Shepard had expected it to be a one-time thing… until they fucked the next morning. Again, just as fun, only both of them were sober and they could really  _push_  the undercurrent of tension to be  _a lot_  of fun. They'd gone on the mission to Virmire pleasantly sore and sated.

Then Shepard had to decide whether to leave Kaidan to die to save Ashley at the nuke… or to try to save Kaidan, thereby risking  _everyone_  by not protecting the nuke. The decision had been simple, but not easy. She had listened to him sign off like a goddamn soldier, and it had broken her heart to hear him accept his fate with his head and his gun held high. She had watched from the Normandy as they flew away, only seconds to spare. The nuke went off as they hit the relay. Shepard would never forget the look of the mushroom cloud flashing before her eyes just as the mass effect field of the relay took them in its grip, flinging them halfway across the galaxy.

Shepard had locked herself in her cabin for their two-day journey to the Citadel. She wouldn't come out, wouldn't eat, and  _definitely_  didn't sleep. She just… stared at her screen. On it was Kaidan's service history, his family history, the records from Brain Camp, his high school yearbook holo… his whole life. He'd had a fiancée on Earth, living in Vancouver, near his parents. As a Spectre Shepard had access to all of it, every minute detail of his life.

It had pissed her off that even all that information couldn't give a good impression of who he had actually  _been_. Nothing but serving with someone, holding their guts in or covering their retreat or relying on them to cover yours, could really give you the measure of a man or woman. Shepard had that. But precious few others had that. And now he was gone. Uselessly. To get rid of  _fucking_  Saren.

She'd screwed the pooch on that one, too.

She hadn't moved from her desk except to use the john for nearly twenty hours when her door finally opened despite being locked. Shepard didn't turn around, though, somehow knowing who it was. Ashley. The chief, hair disheveled and eyes red-rimmed, walked quietly up behind her, reaching and switching off the terminal screen before wrapping her arms around the commander. Coaxing her up, she had stripped Shepard of her still-disgusting under-armor, leading her into the shower and turning it on.

Rocking back and forth in Ashley's arms, the dam had finally burst. Great sobs had wracked Shepard's body, her face buried in Ashley's neck. The salt of her tears mixed with the salt of their sweat and the hot water, the shower washing away more than the dirt and the blood and the grime of battle. Thirty minutes later they'd emerged clean and wrung out, and Ashley had simply led her to the bed and pulled back the covers. She was sure the chief hadn't intended to join her, but Shepard had been insistent, and it was together that they slept, naked and pressed to each other, for nearly twelve hours. It had been soothing, restorative… and Ashley, the poet, hadn't even used words.

When they woke, they had made love to each other, and it had been tender, and sweet, and lovely. It hadn't been completely vanilla. There had still been that undertone of tension brought on by two dominant personalities sharing a bed, but it had been smoother, with a lot more willingness on both women's part to relinquish control, to let the other care for her for a little while.

And thus they had become lovers. They had talked together, eaten together, fought together, and slept together, and by the time Shepard was lying broken and bleeding under the rubble that was the Citadel Tower, Sovereign dead and gone, she had known one simple fact: she was in love. From the bottom of her heart, she loved one Ashley Williams, and she was going to make it out of that goddamn rubble if it was the last thing she did so she could  _fucking_  tell her about it.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the door to the room sliding open.

"Hey, Skipper."

"Ash." Shepard greeted, nodding to indicate that Ashley should take a seat and a drink. Ashley took the glass as she sat, crossing one knee over the other.

"So," Shepard began, picking her own glass up and taking a drink.

"So," Ashley echoed, stirring the ice in her drink.

"You wanted to talk."

"Yeah." Ashley nodded, finally taking a sip. It looked like she barely even tasted it. Which left her in much the same place as Shepard.

"So… talk."

Ashley sighed. "I don't even really know where to start, Shepard."

Shepard smirked. "'The best place to start,'" she said, putting on a poor imitation of a familiar accent, "'is the beginning, Williams.'"

Ashley snorted. "Thanks,  _Doctor_."

Shepard chuckled. "Hey, Chakwas has used that one on  _me_  enough. Every fucking time I end up in there after a fight. Figure I'd just pass it along a little."

Ashley's mouth turned down a little at the corners when Shepard mentioned being injured. "You, uh… you end up in there a lot?"

Shepard eyed the lieutenant-commander warily. "About as much as normal," she hedged. She wasn't sure how she felt about Ashley's worry. Glad, yes, because that meant she cared… but she didn't like hurting people. It was bad enough  _she_  was hurt. She didn't want that to hurt other people, too.

Ashley merely nodded, taking another tasteless sip of her scotch. "Right. So. The beginning. I… When you died, Shepard… I pretty much died right along with you."

There it was. A knife in her heart. But she didn't say anything. This was the first time Ashley had ever talked about this in anything other than hurt and anger. Shepard wasn't going to ruin that with a petty interruption  _now_.

"I took leave, went to my mom, my sisters. They put me right, but it took… well, thank God Mom's a therapist, or they never would've let me take that much time to get my head on straight." Looking up, she added, "To them you were just my CO. The brass didn't know about our breach of regulations."

Shepard nodded her understanding. Without knowing of that, Ashley would've gotten up to a few days of bereavement to mourn a friend and comrade if requested. Added to the recovery time after the ship was utterly destroyed, and she was looking at  _maybe_  a week and a half's leave. If Ashley had lost a spouse or lover, she could request up to three weeks off. Couldn't have people out in the field in that kind of emotional and psychological pain. But without knowing what Ashley had lost, it would take the intervention of a private health care professional to get the extra time off.

"Mom… well, we bonded over Dad, and you. Obviously it was different. Mom and Dad were married for years. You and I had only even  _known_ each other for six months. But it was intense." Shepard nodded when Ashley's eyes finally met hers, acknowledging that the other woman was correct. There was no denying it. What they'd had… it  _was_  intense. Hot, frantic, frenzied love was what they had shared. What they still shared, if that earlier kiss said anything.

Looking at her glass again, Ashley continued. "So they got me better. But when I went back to work, everyone else had disappeared. Liara, Wrex, Tali, Garrus… Joker was grounded, Chakwas in some clinic in Bermuda. The Council and Alliance Command were both talking about how you were a liar. If I brought up the Reapers to anyone but Anderson or Hackett, I was shushed immediately. They made like it was an isolated incident of advanced geth tech, and the threat was over with the apprehension of Saren and Sovereign."

"Yeah, that much I gathered," Shepard couldn't help but add, remembering the farce she had awoken to.

"I learned to shut my mouth. But anyone who spoke badly of you got the full Williams tongue-lashing."

 _I remember what a Williams tongue-lashing is like_ , Shepard added silently.  _The fun kind,_ _ **and**_ _the not-so-fun kind…_

"And then human colonies started disappearing, and right around then these rumors started popping up, that you were  _alive_ , and working with  _Cerberus_! I wanted to punch every person who suggested it. Even  _if_  you were alive, you'd never work for them! Not after Akuze, not after all that  _fucking bullshit_  we stumbled across while looking for clues about the Conduit that Cerberus was responsible for. So imagine my surprise to find  _both_ rumors true… and I'd had no idea. Here you were, the love of my  _fucking_  life, standing alive and well before me after I'd mourned  _two years_ …  _and_  you were with Cerberus.

"God, I wanted to kiss you, Jane," Ashley continued, now holding Shepard's gaze, eyes ablaze. "And I wanted to punch you. I wanted to not care. But then the betrayal hit, that you would love me like you did but fake your death-"

"I didn't fake  _shit_ ," Shepard interrupted, temper flaring.

Ashley merely stared at her, shrugging as she said, "It sure looked like you did at the time, Skipper."

Shepard deflated at that.

"Then you turned in the Normandy, and we were on Earth together, and I was  _pissed_  so I avoided you. And you were pissed so you tried to confront me, just to give me the Shepard Death Glare. Then it didn't matter, because the Reapers were here and no one could get us through it like you and Anderson. Then that robot… Liara visited me in the hospital once I'd woken up. She had some interesting things to say, Skipper."

"Like what?"

"That you really did die. That she retrieved your body for Cerberus because she'd been in love with you, but had told no one, and also because  _she_  knew the Reapers were real, and knew you were the one who could get us through it best."

"She's… in love with me?"

Ashley shook her head. "Not anymore, Skipper. She mourned and moved on in a way I couldn't, even though she knew you were likely coming back." Shepard merely grunted, sitting back in her seat and finishing her scotch. "It's… it's true, isn't it? That scar you got on your face on Akuze… it's not there. You look... I dunno. You're you. But you also seem… stronger, somehow."

Shepard snorted. "I got upgraded. Expensive tech and shit. Takes a lot of credits and a lot of experimentation, bringing someone back from the dead."

"God, I can't…" Ashley trailed off, burying her head in her hand. "You were  _dead_ , Jane. How am I supposed to just… pick things up where they left off?"

"Well… we could finish talking first?"

Ashley looked up after a moment. "That's it? Just… air it all out?"

Shepard shrugged. "Can't hurt us worse than we've already done, can it?"

Ashley actually chuckled. "I guess not. All right, fine. Let me have it."

So Shepard did. She described waking up and finding out Ashley was on some classified Alliance mission and untouchable, all her friends gone except Joker and Chakwas. Waking up and basically being coerced into working with Cerberus to save those colonists. Waking up and having to wonder when she'd see her precious mother, or even be able to let her mother know she was  _alive_. She described what a disaster finally seeing Ashley was, how the hope in her heart had been thoroughly quashed, and how she'd gone back to the Normandy and proceeded to try to fuck her feelings away like she had done  _before_  Ashley… and how it hadn't worked.

She described it all. Mostly, however, she conveyed that she had been alone and confused and didn't know who she could trust and really only wanted the two greatest comforts she'd ever know – her mother, and Ashley Williams. And she'd been denied both. And it  _hurt_.

"I still haven't talked to Mom," Shepard continued, shaking her head. Her glass was long-abandoned. She could feel the pleasant buzz of it coursing through her bloodstream, making talking easier.

"What? They haven't let you?!" Ashley was incredulous, and it just made Shepard smile. Good old Ashley Williams, ready to hold you, fuck you, or punch someone in the face for you, depending on what was needed.

"No. I couldn't talk to her while I was working with Cerberus. And then I was in a secure Alliance facility while she was out doing her Admiral thing. And now…" She sighed, scrubbing a hand over her face. "I got a letter from her. And I sent one back. But that's all they'd allow until she could come to Earth to visit me. And that is  _obviously_  not gonna happen  _now_."

"Shepard…"

Shepard shook her head. "It's fine. It is what it is. We write. Just gotta get through this thing so I can see her."

"And get through whatever else life throws at us," Ashley added, finally finishing her own drink.

"So what now?" Shepard prodded gently.

Ashley shrugged, a tiny lift of her shoulders. "I guess it depends on what we want."

"And what do you want, Ashley?"

"You." Ashley's response was immediate, stated simply, as if it were the most obvious thing. She leaned forward, pushed herself to her feet, wandered over to the fish tank, her head following the movement of the darting fish. "But… I don't know if I can just… pick up where we left off, Skipper."

For some reason, Ashley's stance was undaunting to Shepard. She merely stood up, walked up to the lieutenant-commander, coming to rest next to her. Staring at the fish, she said, "Well, I have some experience with loss, too, Chief." She knew Ashley wasn't a chief anymore, but it had become something like a nickname while they'd been together, and it still rolled off the tongue nicely. "I remember, when my dad died, I would've given anything and asked no questions to get him back, even just for an hour. I didn't have anything I wanted to say to him. I just wanted to sit in his lap and have him hold me. Mom was the same way, though she bore up under the grief better – she was an adult, an officer in the Alliance, and had a small child to support who was going to pieces. She directed her anger at the turians and that was that. But me… I just wanted him back so desperately that I dreamed about him every night for a month."

"It was the same for me," Ashley murmured, clearly now staring into space, her arms folded loosely around herself. "I would've given almost anything to have him back, and if he came back, I wouldn't have asked questions. The dreams were… intense. With you even more so."

Shepard nodded. She waited a minute or two to speak again. "The way I see it, you have what you wanted," she began, holding out a hand between them, palm-up. It was an invitation, and Ashley accepted it, sliding her fingers into Shepard's, coming to rest in the space between them, the feeling utterly familiar. "You've got me back, and it's for more than an hour. It may not be forever. We may not survive this war. But… but Ashley. If you want me, you've got me. I didn't betray you, but I can see how you could think that at the time. You didn't betray  _me_ , but it hurt so much at the time. I was so confused. But I think… I think we can mend the wounds we've caused. We had something. Something good, something bright, something  _real_. Realer than any love I've born for anyone who wasn't related to me. And I want it back, Ash. I want you back.

"But if you don't…" Shepard trailed off, refocusing on the darting fish. "If it's too painful, if you just can't do it, I get it. You can take the offer from Hackett, finish out the war with the fifth fleet, and I'll only be a little bitter-"

"Jane, shut up." Shepard smirked as Ashley turned to her. "Just shut up. I don't want that, I want  _you_. I want the Normandy. I want my fucking  _life_  back. So just come here and kiss me and  _show_  me how we take it from here."

Shepard's hands alighted on Ashley's hips, pulling her in as the LC's fingers slid into her hair. The kiss was tender, not tentative, but not possessive like earlier. Her arms now wrapped tightly around Ashley's back, Shepard drew her in, probing gently with her tongue. They both knew what they wanted, and it had been a  _damn_  long time since either of them had gotten it.

It was high time.

In very little time their clothes were gone and they were on the bed, skin to skin for the first time in years. It was like heaven. It was like  _home_. Ashley was warm and muscled and strong. She smelled of her hemp soap and sweat – neither had showered since the altercation with Udina. She tasted of salt and the indefinable essence that was  _Ashley_ , and it made Shepard want to melt.

" _God_ , Jane," Ashley murmured, kissing along Shepard's neck. Her hands didn't stay still long, seeming to be trying to touch as much of Shepard as they could reach.

Shepard grinned. "Damn, girl. I'm not even touching you yet and I've got you crying out to your deity?"

Rather than answering, Ashley reached up, pulling Shepard's face around and crashing their lips together. Things were getting frenzied very quickly, and Shepard wondered whether she should slow it down.

"I need you inside of me, Jane," Ashley breathed into her ear. "Now." Shepard's center gushed. Fuck slowing down.

Reaching a hand between them, Shepard pushed two fingers immediately inside Ash, pulling up toward the LC's front as she kissed her hard. Ashley moved with her, trying to take Shepard deeper as she moaned into her mouth. Shepard just couldn't get enough leverage though.

"Where are you going?" Ashley groaned as Shepard pulled back, allowing her to push her hand deeper. Ashley bit back a cry as she arched her back, pulling the pillow over her face. Muffled now, she cried out, bucking with Shepard's rhythm.

Ashley was  _wet_. And hot. Silky walls tried to crush Shepard's fingers. Ashley had clearly not been fucked in a  _very_  long time, given how tight she was. That said nothing for how many people the LC had been with, but it said a lot about what Ashley was willing to do with anyone other than Shepard. For some reason it just made Shepard push deeper, wanting to fill that space Ashley had not sought to fill herself.

"Skipper, I need… I need…"

"What do you need, Ash? Tell me."

"I need more. I need you closer. Please," Ashley panted, removing the pillow and looking at Shepard with pleading eyes, her hair wild about her head. Shepard was momentarily paralyzed, struck by the vision that was Ashley on her bed, breasts heaving, hips wiggling to get Shepard deeper, eyes pleading for  _more_. More of Shepard on top of her, more of Shepard inside of her, more of the intangible yet very real energy they shared whenever near each other.

She was only now starting to believe that it was actually happening.

Ashley bucked her hips, pulling Shepard deeper and crying out, still holding Shepard's gaze. It pulled the commander from her paralysis, and, shaking her head, Shepard regretfully pulled out.

"I know," she crooned, answering Ashley's whimper, her hurt expression. "I know, baby. But I've got  _just_  the thing." She was off her bed in one leap, going and rummaging in a drawer.

She came back to the bed with a bottle of lube and a certain toy.

"You got another one?" Ashley breathed, sitting up and reaching tentatively for it.

Shepard felt suddenly sheepish. "It was our favorite. I got it before…" She trailed off, turning and sitting on the edge of the bed.

A hand alighted on her shoulder. "Before Horizon?"

Shepard nodded. "Yeah."

Rather than saying anything further, Ashley pressed herself to Shepard, wrapping her arms and legs around her from behind, one hand reaching out to stroke the toy. Her fingers lingered before trailing softly over Shepard's hand. As she did so, she kissed Shepard's neck, just below her ear.

" _Tell me what you want, Chief." Shepard smirks, wiggling her hips a little. She has the tip of the dildo pressed against Ashley's entrance, but refuses to push in, teasing it back and forth instead._

" _Dammit Skipper!"_

" _That is_ _ **so**_ _not telling me what you want from me, Chief."_

_She has Ashley by the wrists, her feet planted on the ground, bent over the bed. Ashley's legs are spread wide, her back arched, her sex dripping wet. She is entirely ready to be absolutely ravished, but Shepard is making her say the words. They've been practicing this, giving themselves over entirely to the other. It's fun. And when they're through, when one has gotten her pleasure entirely from being taken and the other has gotten her pleasure entirely from taking, it brings them closer. It is a way to trust the other entirely._

_And while they learn how to do that, they both get to give in to their dominant natures in bed._

" _I… I… Goddammit, I want you to fuck me, Skipper. I want it_ _ **so**_ _bad…"_

_Shepard smirks, not saying anything. She merely stands up straight, releasing Ashley's wrists, grabs her hips, and smoothly glides inside of her gunnery chief. Ashley cries out, her hands twisting in the sheets, and Shepard almost passes out at the sensations offered through the technological marvel that was the toy they'd purchased. She quickly finds a rhythm, delighting in the whimpers and yelps the normally dominant Williams is now making. They spur her on. They drive her to take this woman. But when they are done, when both women have shuddered to release, it also drives Shepard to wrap her arms around her lover and whisper soft, sweet things about how much she loves her._

"I didn't know yet… I thought it would be a fun thing to have when I was finally able to reunite with you," Shepard whispered, watching Ashley's caramel-colored fingers trail up and down her own pale skin.

"Way to make a girl feel guilty there, Skipper," Ashley teased, drawing a small smile from the commander. "Why don't we work on healing that scar. And on breaking this bad boy in. Yeah?"

Shepard grinned. She was grateful for Ashley holding this lightly. They'd already hashed out their feelings. They each knew they'd hurt the other. The only thing they could do now was try to heal the wounds they'd inflicted. And taking breaks to be sad was not how to properly do that. Not right now, anyway.

Shepard turned in Ashley's arms, standing back up again, putting the LC in line with her navel.

"Let me take care of that, Skipper," Ashley offered, her large brown eyes looking up in a way that made Shepard absolutely  _melt_.

Nodding, she handed the toy over, lifting a leg at Ashley's urging and placing her foot on the edge of the bed. This exposed her center, the folds opening all on their own to the cool, dry air of the cabin. Ashley's fingers immediately began exploring, her body ducking so she could see as she toyed with Shepard's most intimate places. The commander went weak at the knees, steadying herself on Ashley's shoulders.

"Having trouble, Chief?"

Ashley looked back up, her eyes hungry. "I can't decide if I want you to fuck me, or if I want to taste you."

The thought made Shepard's knees weak once more, but she was not interested in waiting any longer. She wanted to be inside of Ashley, and she wanted to be up close, kissing her, holding her, fucking her.

"Taste your fingers, Chief," she growled, her timbre low. "I don't wanna wait to fuck you."

That did it. Ashley's pupils dilated all the way, and then the toy was there, lubed, being slowly inserted. It stretched, the stretch hurting, but pleasantly so, and then it slid home, nestled in and held in place by familiar muscular movements Shepard hadn't used in years. She immediately put her leg down, lowering herself and taking Ashley into her arms.

"I love you, Jane," Ashley said, her hand going to Shepard's cheek, causing the commander to pause.

Shepard smiled warmly, wrapping her arms more tightly around the lieutenant-commander and kissing her deeply. "I love you, too, Ash. Now scoot back."

Ashley complied, sprawling across the pillows, her legs partly open as she watched Shepard crawl toward her. This time, the look of Ashley scattered across her comforter only spurred Shepard forward. Spreading a pump of lube, she lifted Ashley's legs, positioning herself before smoothly sliding in.

"God!" she breathed, exclaiming at the sudden intrusion of alien yet familiar sensations. It… it was, once again, like home. Warm and familiar, comfortable, she slid literally inside her lover with her own most intimate parts and began moving. She felt Ashley's legs slide around her waist, the woman's fingers slide into her hair, her tongue slide into her mouth. She moved almost without thought, getting lost in the sensations, overwhelming in the familiarity.

Here, she was home. Here, she had all she needed. Here, in the circle of these arms, in the circle her arms created, she was content. She would not need anything else ever again as long as she had this to return to. And somehow, deep down, she knew she would. They would not leave each other again.


End file.
